Dear BMW,

It is not in my nature to bring issues so personal to me on such platforms. But at times you reach a level where one plus one does not add to two.

Firstly, I have to admit my flaws before you appreciate BMW. Like a majority of we men (not women), I am adventurous in other ways. When opportunities arise and when interest is insurmountable, I veer off the course and seek the goods elsewhere.

That is not to say I don’t appreciate the dish I have at home. Neither can I say the value of the quality is diminishing. Far from it, Biggie. I am still a committed and loving husband. And when it comes to the bedroom service, I have never been questioned during our 13-year-old marital union.

But as all manly beings sometimes behave, I have recently found myself in the arms of some respectable beautiful damsel. I must confess the three-week romantic ride that we have gone through has been dizzying. This lady has given me the kind of services and treatment any man would dream of.

Now you may be wondering why I am writing you BMW with all the superlatives I am heaping on my new catch.

A few days ago, my wife was celebrating her birthday. Somehow I found myself checking the WhatsApp status of my secret dish.

What my eyes met there was appalling. There she was; my wife in her unmistakable form. The accompanying caption showed the two have a tight connection for sure. I resisted the temptation to ask any question.

I now come before your widely revered counsel BMW. Should I ask her about their relationship? Should I just silently walk away? Should I stick here and continue enjoying this grace?

But, BMW, if both find out, I will be dead. So should I leave both?

Help, please.

Softie,

Via WhatsApp, Area 12, Lilongwe

Softie,

You could be harder than this! You mean, for 13 solid years you don’t know your wife’s friends? That is being naïve!

And then, are you sure this side chick of yours doesn’t know who her friend’s husband is?

It never gets curioser! This side chick knows you. I will tell you just one thing: You are just delaying her chances of finding a proper man for her to marry.

I just don’t know what men look for. The other day, you can imagine, these other two men were pestering some lady that she should share contacts of her friend so that she can become their MG2! Imagine. For that matter, the woman they wanted for an MG2 was married to another man!

What do men really want apart from courting disaster?

Now you are in this circle and you have the nerve to ask me if you have to leave! You are in a trap and you will be caught. By putting the photos on her status, she obviously knew you were one of the people who would see them.

Take it easy Softie, you just have to swallow this venom of your own spleen. Had it been some better day, I could have asked you to ask your wife if she knows your side chick!

To leave both would be foolhardy. Last time I checked, the only reason a marriage should end is adultery. So, it can only be your wife who can move the courts for you to let her go.

Unaziyamba dala. Uzimaliza!

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-209-027. No calls please!

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