I met a girl recently who makes a living from prostitution. Her story was intriguing as it was annoying to a certain extent. Here was a young mother fending for her daughter and herself from sex work and also looking after a battalion of others in her extended family. Because she is in town, her village people keep peeping into her pot for a share of her financial broth. They expect her help and I wonder whether they know her hassle. But even if they did, would they care?

There is so much expectation from our relations to the point of driving the benefactors berserk. We ought to help; it’s true, but with the full understanding of the beneficiaries. We tend to exert so much pressure sometimes, pushing our help to the limit and into unconventional means of earning money. Out of desperation, people are driven to prostitution, crime or begging to rescue a situation at home. Those on the receiving end are good at making the demands, sometimes feigning some at the expense of the providers’ health, well-being and reputation. Worse still, society only sees and blames the one in a position of giving without trying to understand the attitudes of those in need.

Feelings of entitlement have to be nipped. Just because humanity requires us to help each other, it does not mean ‘sacrificing’ the lives of others. In the end, we all have to play our part, including fending for ourselves. If anything, help should come in as supplementary or periodically. These extended family affairs are draining. They sometimes promote laziness and dependency.

Reading our cover story on pages 7 and 8, Thoko Beza, founder of Teebes Textiles utilised her skills to earn a living and employ others. Somewhere deep down each one of us, there is a talent that can easily be built into something. If we sit around waiting for our brother, sister, uncle, aunt, mother of father to fend for us way into our adult lives and even marriages, we are wreckers of development. 

There are times when hassles just fail. You try one thing; it goes straight to the drain. You may lose your job, marriage or any form of livelihood. You may be deported from that land which you hoped your dreams were built on. That is understandable and support systems such as family, friends and well-wishers come into play. But we should not condone those that simply want to milk an already thin cow and even brag about it. Let us encourage creativity and education. 

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