I have heard lovers lash out at each other, claiming to have been each other’s saviour. Words such as, unali ndani iwe popanda ine?, ndamusambitsa, umadana ndi akwanu and I am all you have, etc are some of the common venoms during quarrels. Lovers will bring out a past or bad experience to spite one another. The lashes do not end at just bad experiences. They may include one’s paternity doubt or mistakes, subjecting children to ridicule in the process.

A love is meant to bring the best in another. It is supposed to be a place where one finds comfort, pleasure, kindness, understanding and peace. Ordinarily, a lover or partner should protect even the most outrageous offence. That is why we love each other in the first place, by accepting each other for who we are, strengths and weaknesses.

People argue and by human nature, it is normal. But arguments are not places to bring out each others’ bad side or darkness. They are not times to remind each other what we have done for the other or how ungrateful we feel the other is. It is definitely not a time to remind one about his or her family feuds or capitilise on weaknesses. They are simply disagreements and misunderstandings over a situation which we can handle as adults. There is no need to dive deep in our pasts and open scars or wounds over just one argument.

When we love someone, we become privy to their inner most beings and secrets. We open up to each other and everything is laid bare for the other to see and hear because of the proximity we develop. Some have opened up even about prior convictions or unsolved crimes. They do it out of love and trust.

Noone under the banner of a lover has the right to stand in the public square to scandalise the other, even if the object of their anger is a product of rape. No one has the right to injure that person who opened up to them with the very information offered when affection was at its highest. There is no point to open such a can of worms just because we are angry.

When we decide to do things for people we love, it should be based on that- uncoerced. And when the other party steps on our toes, be civilised and don’t bring it up. It is absurd to assume that when you buy one a car, house or clothes, you become immune to their leaving you or angering you. It’s impossible. And because fights are inevitable, with or without gifts or good gestures, live with it. Do not place a notepad at your pillow to read out to your loved one when they err. Sizikuthandizani amtaa. Save yourself from the high blood pressure or disappointment. Buy the gifts with an open mind that someday, that person will disappoint you or even leave you.

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