Dear BMW,

I am a 23-year-old female college student. I am so ashamed to even raise the issue at hand here but it’s been haunting me for a while so I decided to share with you and get help.

Recently, a college mate hooked me up with a ‘blesser’—a businessman in the Old City. After a few drinks, we started getting cozy. One thing led to another and we ended up at a motel, which means I must have been really drunk because I have never done that before.

Biggie, I am here not to complain about what the man might have done because it was consential and I enjoyed every moment of it. So let’s rule out molestation. But it is what I discovered in the morning that shocked me. I was so frightened when I woke up to both the dude and my hair down there gone. He lawned-mowed me while I was sleeping!

BMW is this man a sorcerer who wanted the kinky hairs for witchcraft?

I am traumatised. What should I do?

GG, via WhatsApp, Zomba

Dearest GG,

Ooh no! Guys, it is utterly improper, creepy and barbaric to shave a woman without her consent. If the guy was so irritated by the state of the plate the food was served on, why wait to clean the plate after the meal?

Here is the thing fellas. This was nothing more than a one-night stand, which all men should learn to treat as a pleasant surprise rather than a right.

Dearest GG, I sympathise with you. The businessman should have known that you are someone’s girlfriend, so if he found you bushy, your man probably likes it that way. Why interfere with a fellow man’s preference because of one-night pleasure?

If clean shaved is what gives him the kicks, the best he should have done is talk to you and arrange for another meeting after you have gone to the barber. That’s what civilised adults do.

Guys you see, when it comes to a woman’s state of privates, it often depends on the taste of her man. They say, chakonda nzako mlekele.’ Some men love it looking like Chikangawa Forest, others prefer an artificial turf, while others like a Sahara desert or an ‘overgrazed land’. Yes, for some dudes, the balder, the better. So let’s leave other people’s women alone!

The point is, we all have preferences and imposing your preference on someone is evil and a violation of human rights.

Secondly, waking up and disappearing like a ghost after sex with a woman, regardless of whether it was a one-night stand or not, is also wrong. Let us learn to say goodbye in peace. What are you running away from?

The only reasons you should leave a woman’s bed at 2am is when it’s on fire and you can’t stand on your three legs.

GG you have a right to drag the man to court for gender-based violence.

Kukonda ndalama ana inu, zimenezotu!

Big Man Wamkulu.

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-641 413. No calls please!

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