Do not correct your spouse in public. It makes him or her feel embarrassed
Do not shout at your spouse when correcting
Do not use words like “You never…”, “You always…”. Doing so is an unfair exaggeration. Say “I don’t think it was proper what you did yesterday”
Do not correct your spouse as if he/she is a child saying “Please act your age”, “Grow up”, “You’re so childish”. This doesn’t show respect
Do not correct your spouse about something serious when you two don’t have ample time to talk about it. Do it in a relaxed atmosphere
As you correct your spouse speak with a loving tone
Do not correct your spouse in front of your children. It shows disrespect
Don’t compare your spouse with others saying “Why can’t you be like other women/men?”, “Why can’t you be like so and so?”. It undermines your spouse and kills self confidence
Don’t bring up your spouse’s mistakes of the past. It only compounds issues
Praise your spouse more than you give criticism
As you correct your spouse, don’t let your spouse doubt your love. You can do this by saying “You know I love you. Sweetheart, I noticed that….”
Do not let your feelings get the best of you and say irrational things
Expect a push back from your spouse or a justification, most adults don’t take correction lightly but if you remain gentle, eventually you’re spouse will be receptive
Once you’ve corrected your spouse, don’t police him/her; this will only demoralize your spouse’s efforts
Appreciate your spouse’s growth
Don’t take life too seriously
Remember that the purpose of correcting your spouse is not to prove you’re right but to inspire your spouse to be better. When you focus on proving you are right, you might win the argument but lose your marriage or make things difficult between you two

© Dayan Masinde and Akello Oliech

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