Hey Biggie,

Biggie, you are the last shoulder I guess I must cry on. I am afraid of pouring myself out to my friends from this other gender. You only know, they  like shedding tears with you but once they see your back, they will be acting like they have CCTV cameras on their foreheads, you know, spreading my problems ngati moto wa mapesi.

The thing is, it is now seven years since I have been married. Tell you the truth I am happily married because he provides, and I complement his efforts that we should be happy.

Not in the bedroom though. He scarcely touches me.

Had it been an age ago, I could have said I need a blesser. But, I tell you, I need someone who can overhaul me in bed. I miss the days we could be together under the sheets until we could just be looking into each other’s eyes. But he lost it.

Now, Biggie, would I be wrong to find a side dude? I really need one.

Savita,

Chilomoni.

 Savita,

What, in the first place, is keeping your bae busy? Is it that he is working too much? Is it a problem with alcohol? Is he having a side chick?

But then, I have a couple of friends that have forsaken their wives, too, to point at. One of them is closer to the prophet in his church than he is with his wife.

When he gets home, he is always on the laptop, Googling rejoinders for the man-of-God to beef up his sermons. Yes, when the prophet speaks, it is actually the dude’s words. He does everything and even reconciling the church finances. Even more, when dude gets a little something he does not want to rob the Lord in a tithe and offering. He puts almost all into the church coffers.

His wife is now seeing one young and energetic man. How she met her is a curious story as well. She talked her problem with a friend who told her there is a carpark in town where desperate wives are linked to someone to satisfy them in bed. All you need to say is what age you need and what length and thickness you would love to have.

The world has changed, my dear Savita, it has changed. Pimps are all over town.

Marriage is not a prison. You gotta enjoy, not endure, it.

Do you still want him as a husband? I will urge you, have a side dude and let him know someone has the potential to munch your goods. He will come running to you. Begging, actually. Asamaphweketse.

On the other hand, Savita, have you sought to find out what may be the reason for his shunning you thus? Are you still taking care of yourself. How is your grooming? Search from within yourself what may be putting him from you?

Think about it, koma nkhani iyi sitipita nayo kwa ankhoswe padzalowa nthenya.

The post Do I need a side dude? appeared first on The Nation Online.