Dear BMW,

I have a smart loving boyfriend. He spoils me all the time and when I am with him, I feel like am in heaven save for one problem. We argue a lot.

He is a lawyer, so arguments with him feel like we’re in court. Like he forgets that I’m his girlfriend. I dont know how to explain it but…I’m just speaking on argumentative skills and how his legal studies and profession obviously influences his thinking about everyone, including me.

He definitely doesn’t have a narcissistic nature…judging from his behaviour. But hey, he is trouble when it comes to arguing.

He just obviously argues differently from any other person. A lot of people out here don’t know how to argue, and can’t catch out errors in people’s reasoning…that’s because they didn’t study law. He, on the other hand, catches faults in my arguments all the time and tries to force me to argue in the way he wants, like he will tell me that “maybe you should have said this and that…. BMW, he really pisses me off.

And that he thinks I do not have a right to an opinion makes me sick. I sometimes feel like punching him in the face.

What should I do, leave him?

Help please.

Miss Logical Fallacies via Twitter DM.

Dear Miss LF,

So, its true that some people have all the luck in the world? You mean, you want to leave your lawyer boyfriend because he argues like he is in court? Like seriously? If you leave him who do you want to date? A preacher? Won’t he preach to you? Or a teacher? Won’t he lecture you all the time?

You know what, lawyers like any other professional will not hesitate to employ their learned skills in a relationship. Journalists will write long love letters, doctors will use their skills to look for cancer lumps in your boobs. Plumbers will try to fix you a shower, etc. There is no escape.

They all do this as a survival means. It’s all natural. So, in lawyers their learned skills come in handy, they will restate the facts, isolate the ones they agree on, focus on the issues raised, use precedence to make a conclusion, and take accountability only where they are wrong. I know, most women will generally not like that, so I understand why you are pissed off.

Secondly, for most men, a relationship is often like a lifetime court session. You have to defend yourself all the time. You have to take questions like ‘where are you’, what are you doing’, ‘who was calling’, whose perfume are you wearing, ‘ like a lawyer.

No female partner will want you to escape accountability with stupid excuse. You have to make a case and argue your way out of every situation.

Thirdly, in law, the wig men are taught defensive mode all the time, that’s why he is so argumentative. It’s nothing personal, he is trying to defend himself. So, hang in there my dear and try to find his weak spots then you’ll win the battle.

Talking of weak spots, may be as a lady find a way of getting to know the real him, and even try to find a way to “ nicely strip” him off his profession at home so that he can “chill” and start to explore you as a person.

Don’t leave, not just yet. Tamvana?

Big Man Wamkulu

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-209-027. No calls please!

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