They say your circle of friends says a lot about you. Friends are important in everyone’s life. Among other things, they increase one’s sense of belonging and purpose. They also help one to deal with life’s traumas such as divorce, job loss and the death of a loved one. Friends are also important as they help boost happiness and reduce life stresses.

At the same time, we should always maintain friends and be loyal to them. So, what happens when the friend who used to be inspiring changes behaviour and is no longer what they used to be? Do you keep them for the sake of loyalty or do you ditch them and look for company that is in tandem with your dreams and aspirations?

This is a tough one. I know many people who are being weighed down by the friends and company they keep. Being friends with someone whose dreams and lifestyle is not agreeing with you is not ok. It is not ok when that friend is influential and begins to determine some aspects and decisions in your life.

I have witnessed many people embrace unhealthy and dangerous lifestyles because of their friends. If the company they keep looks at dangerous driving as thrilling, they slowly find themselves accepting this notion and seeing nothing wrong. Others use peer pressure to coax their friends to pick up their unhealthy lifestyle such as unhealthy eating. “Moyo ndi kamodzi, tiyeni tisangalale” is one of the common phrases that many bad friends use when coaxing others to join them on the path to destruction.

This, if not careful, can lead one to destruction. It is important to ask ourselves the tough questions if the friends we have share common values with us.

If you are a believer and frequently go to church and your friend is always suggesting that you go out to have fun and jump church, it is time to re-evaluate that friendship.

If you are into a healthy lifestyle such as going to the gym, hiking and other physical exercises, find yourself friends who are also into that lifestyle. Having friends who are busy discouraging you and telling you a millions reasons you should not exercise can be detrimental not only to your physical health, but to your mental health as well. The things that matter most to you should be respected by friends. When they start to sway you away from them, it is time to reflect.

Lucky people meet people who become friends that end up influencing them positively. But others are not so lucky and will meet toxic friends which will only lead to destruction. Those are the type of friends to ‘break up’ with. Yes, you can break up with a friend if their lifestyle is bringing more misery than happiness to yours.

The fear of losing friends sometimes makes people to hold on to bad friends. But our intuition never fails. When a friend is no longer good to be around, you can feel it in your soul. You struggle to convince yourself that what you are having is a great friendship. Once you start having those thoughts, be strong enough to make a decision that is good for you first before you make others happy.

Friends should challenge you to be better, to do better and upgrade yourself. Friends should encourage you, support you and be your safety net in hard times. Check your circle of friends. Are they there for you when you really need them? Or they are there just to sponge you off?

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