The other day as I walked the streets of Blantyre, I came across a couple. From my observation, they were either going or coming from church. The woman, with two small children, carried one child on her back and the other in her arms. She was also keeping a close eye on the third one whom I deduced to be about six years old. The husband on the other hand focused on walking without a care in the world. I couldn’t help, but ask her politely if the man was her husband. She said yes and the rest is a story for another day.

This scenario triggered something in me. In our society, we have a lot of single women in practice who are married on paper. This is because their husbands hardly pay attention to domestic responsibilities because they are probably wired to think that everything along those lines is the responsibility of a wife. In this day and age, we still have husbands who have no idea how to change diapers or feed a child, let alone prepare a meal? We have men who completely ignore a crying child and only react by asking the ‘mother’ to attend to it because according to them, that is not their part?

How do you expect a woman to glow and have time to take care of herself and look beautiful, when all she does is run around doing everything by herself, including taking care of children all by herself? If you are a husband and do not care about giving your wife a helping hand, then your wife is practically single.

I have also observed some wives who abuse societal expectations of men in their lives. A woman goes to work and earns some money, but refuses to help out with any of the bills at home are also making their husband feel alone. Men marry because they are looking for a helper. Much as a wife can help with cooking and cleaning, she can also help him financially if need be. Then we have wives who give birth, but lack the sense of motherliness. They literally dump the responsibility of caring for the little to husbands while they gallivant around town.

We have wives who are only married by name, but their actions are that of a single woman with no responsibilities. All these things are a manifestation of several factors, including upbringing, death of love and affection in the marriage.

Spouses are supposed to be there and spend time with each other. If you find yourself more alone at social events than with your spouse, then you are married on paper. What is happening nowadays is the search for a marriage title while not unready to gracefully carry the responsibilities that come with it. We see men spending hours moving from one night club to the other while a wife is struggling with children at home.

We see men clearly struggling with bills and financial responsibilities while the wife just spends her money on make-up and designer clothes. Her children look miserable while she looks like a queen.

So, if this piece ‘stings’ you, it is because you are married, but refuse to be in a loving partnership. Make a choice. Be married or be single. You cannot be both! Happy Sunday!

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