Dear BMW,

I know this sounds crazy but I have a sneaking feeling I could be raising somebody else’s child.

To begin with, my 18-year-old son is a photocopy of my neighbour. We share absolutely nothing in common— from looks to behaviour.

He is calm, cool-headed and is as smart as hell with computers. Dresses like an adult and never gets into fights and hardly gets expelled from school which is not how I was at his age.

As regards taking the hard stuff, the boy is a Cocopina type and a cigarette has never touched his lips. He is anti-girls too. In fact, he has never introduced us to any girlfriend.

But what really disturbs me is that he is very light-skinned, yet I am as dark as coal!

Hey bigman, is this boy really mine? I have kept quiet for 18 years, but do you think it’s time I should challenge my wife?

Peter M, via WhatsApp, Mangochi

Peter M,

It does not serve you proper to hide your wife’s complexion. You may think that is neither here nor there, but it matters.

I have seen better days PM, better days. I have seen very quiet men of the collar having beasts of sons and daughters. Daughters who can drink like a whale and sons who can date a string of girls like there is no tomorrow.

The point I am saying is that because this child behaves not like you then you conclude that he is not yours.

What I see in you is a philanderer. And you think because you have not lived a straight forward life, you think your wife has also been unfaithful.

For that matter, the kid has grown to be 18 and why should you question whether he is your son or not today? All this time, did it not dawn on you that he may or may not be your son? It is too late man!

From what I see, you want to use this to divorce your wife but I will tell you, no civil court can have time to hear your case. If it does, I will bet my last coin you will lose that case.

If you continue being adamant, I urge you to go for a DNA test. But, apparently, you are one bloke who can’t afford that test! Just cross your legs and smell the coffee.

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