Dear Biggie

A few months ago, a friend’s girlfriend and I found ourselves in a compromised position. In a way, we were pushed into that position unwittingly by my friend himself after he had asked me to give her a lift between the cities. But the point is not to shift blame.

After that incident I tried as much as I could to avoid her, despite her insistence that we have another tryst, because I was wracked with guilt by what we had done along the way. One mistake was enough.

A few days ago, however, I went out on the town with a cousin. His companion was no less than the same girl. He introduced her as a friend-with-benefits. The girl and I tried (and succeeded) to keep an emotional distance between us during the night.

Early the following day, however, she called me and threatened to spill the beans to my friend about our trysts, just to create a lose-lose situation, if I dare tell on her.

My friend is truly in love with her and plans to marry her, but I also know she is just one of the many disposable conquests of my cousin. What should I do, Biggie? Do I give in to her blackmail or do I tell my friend about his girlfriend’s lack of moral character and damn the consequences?

Kadei,

Via WhatsApp, Capital Hill

Dear K,

The way I look at it is the case of two thieves, one of whom either has become jealous or grown a conscience. Ask yourself why you didn’t tell your friend what went on between the two of you. The same reason you didn’t tell him when you went about undressing her should be the same reason you can’t tell him now.

To put it plainly, many relationships fail because someone feels betrayed, especially, if one has had a sexual affair or spent family money on betting.

Some feel betrayed when someone breaks a promise. But those promises are often unspoken rather than clearly discussed and agreed. So, couples often want everything to be confidential. That friend of your might have some idea that his girlfriend cheats, but he prefers to keep it to himself. However, if you try to be a hero by telling him that she cheats, he will be offended and leave her. Will you take her for yourself?

That is why you need to draw the line. Don’t tell him of her sex escapades. Enjoy the relationship you have with her in peace. And let her enjoy the relationship she has with your cousin and best friend. Don’t be a hero trying to save their relationship as it is already dead!

Abwana, inu ngati mwakanika kudya nawo phwando la akakowa, musakhomelere anzanu.

Chill and move on.

Big Man Wamkulu

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