Dear BMW,

I am 28 and my hubby is 26. When we met, he had just gotten divorced and we officially started dating a year later.

His ex-wife doesn’t like me. She made it clear from day one and I’m not blaming her or anything I mean, I never got divorced (or married for that matter) so I don’t know what’s the appropriate amount of time to date after a divorce.

His ex-wife is also very close to him and his parents are still very fond of her and often invite her for family dinners. That means that we often have to see her when we’re going over to his parents’.

The issue is that she makes it obvious she doesn’t like me and always throws little digs at me. She flirts with my husband all the time and gives hints that they still sleep together.

I have told my husband that I do not want to see her again around our family, but his response is cold. He says he has two kids with her and she is a mother to his children. He further said his ex-wife will always be a part of our life and I must stop trying to get rid of her.

Biggy, I am so uncomfortable and I want to move out.

What should I do?

Isabel,

Via WhatsApp, Bangwe

Hey Isabel,

There is something queer about quitting. I guess you have been on a queue in the bank. I mean these meandering lines in the bank where you have two tellers instead of eight.

So your queue seems slow, too slow. Then you jump onto the next queue that is apparently moving faster. What happens when you get into that line? The first one you quit moves faster!

That also happens when you are in a highway jam!

Ukaona mawanga nkhanga, ndithu umataya nkhwali. This is why people tend to be affected to their ex, at times.

For free, I will tell you one thing: You can tell a man’s character by the way he speaks about his ex. In this case, your man is still closely affectionate about the one he married before you. He is just hiding behind the children they had together.

By the way, does your husband still wear the clothes bought while he was still married to this other one? I am scarcely suspicious, but in Malawi people can do a lot of things close to buying love. Trust me. In fact, you may wonder why your man loves that red necktie but I will bet my last Tambala that the tie was bought by his ex on one Valentine’s Day when they were youthfully in love!

You see, it is very difficult to separate whether you are facing an ex-wife or a former wife. A former wife is easily taken out of the picture. But an ex-wife will always come into the picture, trust me.

I have always told my lady friends that before they really get up close with men who were once married, they have to take the ex-wife fr lunch for a frank talk. Not only to learn more about the man and his family, but also to show that you are now calling the shorts.

But then, the parents may throw the spanners in the way, as is evident in your case. They too will use that same old line that they can’t separate their love from their one-time daughter-in-law and her children. So, you see, you are lost somewhere between the hard rock and the big Red Sea.

Have it in your mind that an ex-wife is there for life, as long as they live. It is up to you to let this man know that you are not going to be second fiddle in this love triangle. Let him know that you can’t fondle his ego. Put it clearly to him that you would rather be his ex-wife than a proxy wife.

If his ex-wife is flirting with him and showing signs that they are going out and lying to each other, put it down with proof and walk out. Crying on your pillow will only breed bad results.

The post Hubby’s ex-wife is nasty, should I leave? appeared first on The Nation Online.