Dear BMW

I a m 22 years old and have a 28-year-old boyfriend with whom I’ve been going out with for the past year. He proposed to me, but I turned him down because I wish to first complete my studies. We love each other so much, but his family is pushing him to marry and he doesn’t have any one in mind at the moment.

Now, just imagine, he wants me to help him find ‘wife material’ because he says I understand him best. I find this ridiculous. I’m jealous and the very thought of it hurts me, even though he keeps telling me that I’m his forever. I still visit him, but I don’t know what to do to please him. Please help.

Mwana Mulanje

Via WhatsApp, Manja, Blantyre

Mwana Mulanje,

Oh what a name! It reminds me of some place in Mulanje, along the road from Chitakale heading to Phalombe. You certainly must be from somewhere there.

I will, therefore, start from there.

You know African roots are very potent and if you don’t want to lose this man of yours, the best you can also do is to let him have some kondaine from the slopes of Mulanje. You know the spirit of Namasempwani will help you find the most important root.

Why do I say so? This man is taking you for granted. He is pricking your heart while tramping on your mind.

Tell him outright that if he doesn’t want you, he should not come up with childish stunts to get you under your wrap.

Take care, by telling you to find him a woman, he is only telling you he doesn’t care about you. He is out to make a fool of you and how do you take that lying down?

Let him swallow the venom of his own spleen.

In fact, if I were you, with or without juju, I would tell this fool of a man that the only wife material you find for him is yourself. Fumbi ndiwe mwini Mwana Mulanje. Muuze asapite kutali. Angodikira basi as the proper wife material is getting set kuti Junior asadzachite kusowa thewera.

And hey, by the way, why should a man be forced by a man to get married? It only shows that he comes from a family that stands on shaky grounds. What do they want to get out of his marriage?

Chenjera my friend. This may be the lot yoti akungofuna kukukawa zizimba basi.

Excuse my beliefs, but isn’t the Mulhako wa Alhomwe not just around the corner and we have to do what we gotta do?

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