Dear BMW,

I am 21-year-old college student in Blantyre. I was raised by an auntie who really does not like me at all. She starves, overworks me in her home and shouts at me like I am dog. She hates everything to do with me to the extent that she does not even pay for my education.

I know no one from my late parents family who can look after me, so to survive I have turned to blessers for my daily needs. Six months ago, I met a senior journalist who by the way he is behaving must have come under sharp criticism from his girlfriends or wives over his boring and below par performance between the sheets.

When he met me and I accepted to have a duel with him, he was a panic stricken mess in bed, and I think he was not ready to be dumped again, so he invested in the infamous libido pills to fire up his loins.

He pops pills like a maniac when we meet. I have been trying to stop him until last week when what was expected to be steamy session turned tragic after he started gasping for breath before collapsing into a heap at our hideaway. Biggie, I was left red with fear he might die on me. Terrified, I screamed on top of my lungs and the motel manager and some workers came to help.

After an hour of kumukupiza, he came back from the dead and asked me to drive him home to his wife. I thank God he is still alive. But BMW, the problem is this man is smitten and still wants to see me.

He says he can’t live without me, what should I do?

 Dearest Blessee,

I can only imagine how scared you must have been when this man collapsed on top of you. But here is the thing Miss College, you are a young woman who should be dating boys of your age, not a man who needs pills to satisfy you. You say you need the money from these blessers but take it

 from me, it is not worth it.

Sometimes in life we concentrate too much on the monetary benefits we forget about our health, so ask yourself, which is more important, the money or your health. If the money is more important to you then BMW will not judge you although I feel there are better ways of getting money than from blessers who only want you for your body.

As for this man, leave him my dear, next time he might really die while you are in the act, and you do not want to be known as the woman who killed a married man because of your sweetness? Think twice.

Men out there please hear me out. Gondolosi and other pills just show how weak your mind is. We have heard of men dying because of pleasure after using libido boosters! Some real honourable men. Not that I am maligning the dead, but there are times soldiers must hang up their guns, boxers their gloves.

No forcing matters.

Mungofapo za zii!

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