Big Man Mulala,

Wamkulu, I am head over heels in love with this charming man. So charming he is that giving me all sorts of presents and taking me places is part of his life.

We are planning to get married. Biggie, don’t ask me when we are tying the knot because that is just a question of mind over matter. It matters less if you don’t mind.

Now there are two things that are worrying me. Firstly, my father denied responsibility when my mother said he was the one who formed me in her womb. I have grown with my step-father. In fact, I use his surname for I scarcely know my father.

The problem is that when I mention my plans to my step dad, amakamba zolowola. My mother always argues that kwawo zolowola kulibe the husband just pays a small token of appreciation called chiongo.

Who do I follow?

The other matter, which I feel is small, is that whenever we argue, my fiancé rushes to grab my phone and break it. I have lost a number of phones this way. He is one LCD-breaking-maniac.

How do I tame his anger?

Lady V,

Lady V,

Run for your life! Hokoyo! Take cover. You must be real absurd not to

see trouble as it comes your way head on! Run sister, I repeat, run!

You think breaking a phone in anger is a matter of little consequence?

It is not. If you ask me, I will tell you that the issue of chiwongo and malowola is trivia compared to the issue of breaking a phone in anger.

There are stages in anger, you should know. Irritation, intense fury and rage are the levels of anger. Your beloved is a raging character.

This is a dangerous level that not only destroys property but also wrecks relationships like yours.

This is happening when you two are just dating! What will happen when you two get married? It may be that today he breaks the phone because he noted that you were texting a male friend on WhatsApp, but imagine what will happen to you when he comes home and finds you cooked denje not chigwada as he instructed you?

I see this man breaking all the china in the house. I see in this a man who will break the plasma TV to vent his anger.

In fact, I see a man who will break your bones when he is angry with you. Take cover.

On the issue of chiwongo and malowolo. Did your step father legally adopt you? Did he pay malowolo when he was marrying your mother? Did that malowolo cover you as well?

Ask your ancestors which way to go. If it were to come from me, you would not understand it as far as I can see the size of your brain. n

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