The other day while hiking with my friends, I met two who looked tired and hungry. It was clear they were not climbing the hill for fun, but something else. Life in the hills is like one big family and we soon strike a conversation. “Ukuzatani kuno munthu ochepa kale ngati iwe? (What are you trying to achieve when you are already slender)? one of them asked me. I responded that I hike for fun and fitness and not necessarily to lose weight as many assume. Then it was time for me to ask them the same. They were there to pray for their spouses who drink heavily and hardly spend time with their families, but at various drinking places around town.

Now, this is where it gets interesting. When I asked them when they (the husbands) started drinking, the women said when they met them, they were already drinking. I did not want to dampen their spirits as they were hopeful that these mountain prayers will one day yield something and their husbands would stop drinking.

I have been around for sometime in this life and experience has taught me that people do not change easily. I am not trying to undermine prayer, but realistically, this thing of thinking prayer is a solution to a situation you once acted like you had no problem with, is not on. The same goes for those who for, example, drink. If you drink, it means you fully understand its benefits. Then why don’t you marry someone who also drinks so that you understand each other?

This also goes for those who love ‘natural’ looking women.

why would you marry a slay queen and then turn around and demand she ditches her wig, heavy makeup and skimpy outfits to make you happy? In the first place, did you not see any women who love natural looks proudly rocking natural hair? I find it to be a little selfish and backward to find a girl enjoying her lifestyle, marry her pretending that you have accepted her the way she is, only to come up with all sorts of conditions later.

What I know about relationships and marriages is that they need compromises here and there. But if someone loves something so much, it is not right and prudent to expect that marriage will come with a magic wand to your taste and wishes. It is either you compromise if you love the person too much or leave while you still can to look for your type. And as you make these kind of decisions, it is very important to remember that marriage and long-term relationships are real and there is need to make an informed decision which in the end will not make you unhappy, deceived or wronged. But to expect a full grown up person to make all these changes just for you later on in the marriage is unrealistic.

We see married people that are miserable because they thought the wedding would magically make everything better.

Ladies, if you are ready to be starved and climb hills and mountains praying for a cheating or drinking spouse, then marry one with those qualities. Otherwise don’t and look for your own type, someone with similar interests in life. Don’t be desperate.

Gentlement, if you want a modest wife, date a modest girl. Don’t go for a slay queen thinking once she is a Mrs. she will want short hair and no makeup. It doesn’t work that way. Are we clear? Happy Sunday!

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