Ever wondered why we have rocky relationships between wives and in-laws? From mothers in-law to sisters-in law, we hear about dramas and bad relationships. One thing we cannot deny is that both the wife and the in-laws love the man. To the wife, the man is her husband, her lover and father of her children. To the in-laws, he is the son, brother and friend.

Now where is this rivalry coming from?

I have seen mothers acting as their sons’ saviours, creating conflict with the wife. A mother should be just that, mother to her son, period! She should allow her son to grow, make his own decisions and mistakes without trying to second-guess and control every aspect of his life.

Then we have the emotional wife. This one gets jealous with the slightest affection her husband shows his siblings and parents. She tries to compete, use sex and his devotion to her as a bet to allianate him from his own family. A wife who interferes in family infighting also shows immaturity. If your husband confides in you about some family challenges, offer a listening ear and comfort, but do not get involved. Izo ndi zapa mtundu. In the end, they will reconcile and if you get too involved, you expose yourself as an overbearing wife.

We have the sister-in-laws who also want to be the wife, mother and everything else in the life of their brother. Growing up, natural selection happens in families and there are other siblings who are closer to each other than others. If your hubby is closer to one particular sister, do not get jealous. Do not try to come in between because you will not succeed. Blood is thicker than water. Just give a sister-in-law her time with her brother and make the most of the time you have with your hubby as well. The roles a wife plays in her husband’s life are totally different from those of his sister. So, there is no need to compete.

So, if we all stick to our roles, these conflicts will not be there. It beats me when I see a wife giving her husband ultimatums when it comes to interactions, financial support and visits to his family. What wives do not realise is that a man will always love his siblings and parents. Conditions bring conflict.

The same is true for clingy mothers and sisters. Do we realise what romantic love is— the kind that makes a man cross the ocean for a woman? This kind of love is not to be messed with by starting unnecessary competitions.

I always say to in-laws trying to outdo the wife that no matter how much you love your brother or son, there is something which only a wife can give him, so respect her if you love your brother or son. If you love your sibling or son, strive to create a good relationship with the wife. That will not only make things easy for everyone, but will make the son/sibling happy to see all leading women in his life getting along.

So, can we stop these dramatic and unnecessary competitions?

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