Biggie,

Well, mine is a quite weird situation. It’s not that I am weird!

I am a working class lady in Lilongwe. I have been longing and yearning for a man of my life. You know, there always come a time when everyone must settle down.

In the past, I have been in several relationships but they have always ended up in tears. At 28, I feel I am getting a bit old. I don’t want to be in a situation where my children look like my grandchildren.

The relationships I have lived up to my expectation.

But, that is not my problem. Here it is: I found a new guy. I was connected through one of these blind date sites. I doubted these things work but when we were connected via Facebook, I was elated!

The plan was to meet at a restaurant in town. We did.

It was a splendid night as we were breaking the ice before the waiter brought the meals we ordered. He was a charming guy, with so many jokes.

You can imagine, he told me he doesn’t drink. Drugs are not his cup of tea. Career? He is into activism, so he said.

All was going on well, until another waiter came. He was wearing a bangle with colours of the rainbow. My instinct, from elsewhere, told me he was gay. The waiter said: “Hope to see you again soon.”

He was not talking to me. He was talking to him.

They winked at each other. They seemed to click. My eyebrows rose. When I asked him if what I was thinking was right, he just shrugged. He smiled. I left, shuttered.

He is still sending me messages. Ndikungomudyetsa blue tick. What do I do?

Tamara,

Lilongwe.

Tamara,

You have it all wrong. Who told you getting married is about having kids? That is an archaic way of thinking. You are not living in that age where a tsanya tree was lit on the wedding day that it should not die down before the bridesmaid gets pregnant.

Marriage is not a kid-making factory. Children, I have heard it from somewhere, are a gift from God.

I was only responding to that part where said you don’t want your children to look at you as their grandmother.

It is usual that first dates come out real weird, to use your word. You are lucky.

I have heard a story of how this other girl went on a first date did not know that the man was a mortician, you know, the guys who work on dead bodies. That was until when he was driving her back, he asked if he could pass by his office to drop something. The guy stopped at one of the funeral service parlours, opened his car boot and took out something that was wrapped up.

It may have been in a dream that I heard this. I heard it anyway.

So, you ask me what you have to do? I will tell you, you are between a hard rock and the deep side of Lake Malawi. My word: Follow your heart.

One thing I will ask you, whichever direction you will follow your heart, is that stop being homophobic. Stop judging people by their orientation.

Stop blue-ticking him. Ask, directly, what he wants from you. Did you lay out to him that you wanted somebody to marry? What did he say? What are his future plans? Could it be this has been a passing phase of his life?

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-209-027. No calls please!

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