Dear BMW,

My boyfriend of four years does not want to spend a night at my place. Or, let me say our place, because he is the one who pays rentals and sorts out all the bills.

Usually, he comes and drops me without even getting out of the car. I have to always beg him to come in and eat my food.

Last time, he spent a night at my place it took a lot of convincing. He says he is only comfortable at his ‘crib’.

To be honest, I find this to be a lame excuse. Why can’t he spend a night in my bed with me. Why should I always be the one to endure his messy house, which is often packed with his ‘boys’. Don’t I deserve him in my house, alone?

When I raised this issue with my brother, he defended my boyfriend. He said every man feels unsafe at a woman’s house.

I think these two men are playing me.

So, Biggy, does my man refuse to sleepover because he is cheating on me or its just a men’s thing?

Idah,

Via WhatsApp, Chiradzulu.

Dearest Idah,

My father too warned me against this act. It’s rule number one in the Guy Code. His reason which was understandable enough was that people could be chasing a thief in the neighborhood and you, being a stranger, could be caught and treated as one.

But also, men hate to do the same stuff. Last time, I slept at a lady’s place for a week I ended up feeling like an idiot. It really felt like prison (ukaidi oyendera). You see, the first two days were amazing, jig-jig here and there, watch movies, eat and nap. This was the routine.

But by the third day, I was getting really tired of the jig-jig and on the fourth day, I could barely cope being with her. By the fifth day, I had learnt the hard lesson that women—if they have a man around them—love sex more than men. By day 7, I just had to run for my dear life. Never will I sleep at a girl’s house ever again!

However, the main reason men avoid sleeping at a lady’s house is if you’re not sure you’re the ‘majority shareholder’ stay home. Because if you’re a ‘minority shareholder’, ‘ordinary investor’ or ‘stray dog’ and you try it, you may end up being killed and the same lady who invited you over will swear over your dead body that you forced your way in.

Tiyeni tifere zina ma guy!

Big Man Wamkulu

NOTE: You can now send your problems to BMW via WhatsApp number: +265 888-209-027. No calls please!

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